A little poem...

And I think about all the exes i havent met along my journey those unnamed faces of unrequited lovers a glory hole of shame and decite one grindr message away from breaking my heart and leaving me in tatters once more. Too long have I spent clicking through profiles of men who would sooner take me anally than take me seriously the writing is on the wall and the condom is in the bin the comforting shadow of anonymity once again clings to my skin as I hide behind a superficial psudeoname and a picture that says "I'm ready for the taking"...

My awkward go to place...

So I have come to the conclusion that I have a very very uncomfortable go up place when ever I feel anxious or worried and that place *hold for suspense* is death..no matter what the sceneario and I think a lot of people go to this place when they feel like this. I'll be the first to put my hands up and say that this morbid feeling is not a pleasant one so it makes me wonder why do we as people go to that place.

 I personally was always under the impression and from my own expirence especially that anxiety and depression go hand in hand so maybe it's a good thing that you can be that low and not want to be dead because to me a fear of death is a fear of not living your life to its full potential and I know that that's how I feel personally. It's almost  like I'm not happy with all the stuff I have done so far and that it isn't enough for me but at the same time I feel like anxiety can be an obstacle when it comes to living life to the fullest so I suppose it's about finding that "fuck it" attitude so we can stop caring about peoples reactions and thoughts so that we can just worry about our own reactions and thoughts towards ourselves. Sometimes in life it's hard to turn the attention inwards and this can lead to those feelings thus resulting on a vicious circle now how's that for some food for thought...

Ethan