Just a little pill...

Recently I have found myself contemplating the thoughts of taking medication to make myself feel better. As I mentioned I have been dealing with a lot of anxiety lately even when I talk about it I feel like I get anxious but the more I think about it the more I feel like I have conditioned myself to feel this way it's like a coping mechanism to help me avoid having emotions. 

 Not so long ago when I repeated the leaving cert I had just come out and was going through a rough time at home in dealing with all the awkwardness that's associated with coming. Then when I started school again I started getting bullied and it really took affect on me. I didn't tell any one because at the time I didn't want to have to tell my mum because I felt that when I came out in some way I disappointed her so then when the bulling happened I just decided to put up with it so I wouldn't have to bring it home with me and in hind sight I should of done something about it as the way I feel now is related to this.

I spent such a long time trying to block out feelings so that I could make stuff easier for people instead of making things easier for myself and now there are moment where I feel like ill never get any better but then i suppose I need to start reminding myself that I'm not in that environment anymore that I have a bit more confidence now not much more but I feel like I have a better understanding of myself and that has to be worth something...

My little life...

Welcome to my not so passive aggressive blog where I'll talk about what ever and post what ever and generally exist and let the entire internet know how existing is going for me. 

 Today is the 24th September and I am currently stood in the maternity ward of the "blogoverse" whilst walking to work and generally being glued to my iPhone like any other twenty something year old, the something is one and by that I mean I'm 21 incase you're wondering what I was doing there I was trying to be witty! 

 So moving on swiftly past that car crash of a paragraph, I haven't really decided what this blog is going to be and to be frank I can't say that I'm really that pushed I don't even think people will read this I just want to be able to focus my thoughts I'm dealing with a lot of anxiety at the moment and I feel like having a place to rant will really help clear my head I hate confrontation so this is a nice way to address people without having to address them. I know what your thinking but that's like running away from your problems which it probably is but I am in sevre need of a back bone so until now this will do. 

I took this just walking to work and thought it would be nice to add to the blog I have always loved fog it's such nice weather to walk in. 

This is the end of this post so like bye xoxo

PS. If any one is reading this I'm not going to try over edit this I might not even re read the posts so sorry if my English offends you.