Just a little pill...

Recently I have found myself contemplating the thoughts of taking medication to make myself feel better. As I mentioned I have been dealing with a lot of anxiety lately even when I talk about it I feel like I get anxious but the more I think about it the more I feel like I have conditioned myself to feel this way it's like a coping mechanism to help me avoid having emotions. 

 Not so long ago when I repeated the leaving cert I had just come out and was going through a rough time at home in dealing with all the awkwardness that's associated with coming. Then when I started school again I started getting bullied and it really took affect on me. I didn't tell any one because at the time I didn't want to have to tell my mum because I felt that when I came out in some way I disappointed her so then when the bulling happened I just decided to put up with it so I wouldn't have to bring it home with me and in hind sight I should of done something about it as the way I feel now is related to this.

I spent such a long time trying to block out feelings so that I could make stuff easier for people instead of making things easier for myself and now there are moment where I feel like ill never get any better but then i suppose I need to start reminding myself that I'm not in that environment anymore that I have a bit more confidence now not much more but I feel like I have a better understanding of myself and that has to be worth something...